THE CURSE OF APPROVAL
Copyright 2020 Don Ray
Websites tend to disappear into the digital ether. Feel free to copy and share the following.
What horrors and depths of evil have been visited upon the world by the desire to “seek approval”? How many triggers have been pulled, lies marketed, and forests bulldozed in order to gain approval of an officer, boss, or owner? Workers die in African diamond mines because a man or woman craves approval, the hardwood tree holding the last remaining nest of a doomed species is felled because a homeowner seeks approval, a drunk teenager drives off a road and dies because she had sought acceptance and approval.
The voice of God and conscience are summarily drowned out by our craving for approval by the gang, the neighbors, the colleagues, and the electorate of our lives. We in turn do not hesitate to express our disapproval of those not conforming to our expectations.
Styles, trends, and décor flow through their cycles and changes because we all desperately crave approval. Wars, lynch mobs, and riots would not be possible without the hunger for approval by the people around us, this craving that motivates people to sacrifice their individual identity in order to belong.
How often do we dare to risk disapproval? How often do we so much as get dressed in the morning without “approval” as the driving force? How many actions and statements in a given day can we point to and say we took that step with absolutely no regard for what anyone would think?
I think our pathetic, unacknowledged, slavish obedience to the dictates of opinion underlies the reason some of us love cats. They unambiguously give not the tiniest flicker of care for opinion, approval, or disapproval. Their obsessive bathing and grooming they do entirely for their own pleasure. Sleeping and eating schedules conform to no employer’s dictates. Insecurity and ingratiation have no meaning to them. As delightfully refreshing as their independent example is in its contrast to neighbors mowing lawns, washing cars, and buying clothes to garner public approval, still I do not counsel that society could long function if everyone practiced the cat’s aloof indifference to opinion.
But I can at least say it brings me great pleasure to be in the presence of an intelligent being that gives not a whit for my opinion of them, and in turn extends me the courtesy of refraining from critique of my shoes, haircut, and housekeeping.
Surely we would all do well for ourselves and each other if we adapted at least a small modicum of the cat’s attitude. I know I enjoy the company of the rare soul not predisposed to readily express disapproval of others (and presumably of me in my absence). I relish the even rarer good fortune of time with an independent soul liberated from the dictates of others’ approval.
I write this while enjoying the waving fall colors of silver, gold, yellow, and light green in the impressively tall grass of my “lawn”.
I can with certainty say that not one single person on this planet approves of my chosen style of “landscaping”. Being a sensitive soul, that fact does cause me some stress. I crave approval as much or more than the next person. I do not counsel becoming a neighborhood pariah and outcast, for it is not an easy role. But I can passionately counsel that we each refrain to the degree possible from our own judgments and disapprovals of others, for our judgments and disapprovals are a cold and heavy weight on the heart, and contribute very, very little to joy, or kindness, or love.
I can counsel that sometimes in the day we at least ask ourselves “would we do this?” were it not for the approval of someone. In at least posing the question we may take a tentative step toward freedom to discover what we value, who we want to become….and in the end gain our own approval of ourselves.
Copyright 2020 Don Ray
Websites tend to disappear into the digital ether. Feel free to copy and share the following.
Copyright 2020 Don Ray
Websites tend to disappear into the digital ether. Feel free to copy and share the following.
What horrors and depths of evil have been visited upon the world by the desire to “seek approval”? How many triggers have been pulled, lies marketed, and forests bulldozed in order to gain approval of an officer, boss, or owner? Workers die in African diamond mines because a man or woman craves approval, the hardwood tree holding the last remaining nest of a doomed species is felled because a homeowner seeks approval, a drunk teenager drives off a road and dies because she had sought acceptance and approval.
The voice of God and conscience are summarily drowned out by our craving for approval by the gang, the neighbors, the colleagues, and the electorate of our lives. We in turn do not hesitate to express our disapproval of those not conforming to our expectations.
Styles, trends, and décor flow through their cycles and changes because we all desperately crave approval. Wars, lynch mobs, and riots would not be possible without the hunger for approval by the people around us, this craving that motivates people to sacrifice their individual identity in order to belong.
How often do we dare to risk disapproval? How often do we so much as get dressed in the morning without “approval” as the driving force? How many actions and statements in a given day can we point to and say we took that step with absolutely no regard for what anyone would think?
I think our pathetic, unacknowledged, slavish obedience to the dictates of opinion underlies the reason some of us love cats. They unambiguously give not the tiniest flicker of care for opinion, approval, or disapproval. Their obsessive bathing and grooming they do entirely for their own pleasure. Sleeping and eating schedules conform to no employer’s dictates. Insecurity and ingratiation have no meaning to them. As delightfully refreshing as their independent example is in its contrast to neighbors mowing lawns, washing cars, and buying clothes to garner public approval, still I do not counsel that society could long function if everyone practiced the cat’s aloof indifference to opinion.
But I can at least say it brings me great pleasure to be in the presence of an intelligent being that gives not a whit for my opinion of them, and in turn extends me the courtesy of refraining from critique of my shoes, haircut, and housekeeping.
Surely we would all do well for ourselves and each other if we adapted at least a small modicum of the cat’s attitude. I know I enjoy the company of the rare soul not predisposed to readily express disapproval of others (and presumably of me in my absence). I relish the even rarer good fortune of time with an independent soul liberated from the dictates of others’ approval.
I write this while enjoying the waving fall colors of silver, gold, yellow, and light green in the impressively tall grass of my “lawn”.
I can with certainty say that not one single person on this planet approves of my chosen style of “landscaping”. Being a sensitive soul, that fact does cause me some stress. I crave approval as much or more than the next person. I do not counsel becoming a neighborhood pariah and outcast, for it is not an easy role. But I can passionately counsel that we each refrain to the degree possible from our own judgments and disapprovals of others, for our judgments and disapprovals are a cold and heavy weight on the heart, and contribute very, very little to joy, or kindness, or love.
I can counsel that sometimes in the day we at least ask ourselves “would we do this?” were it not for the approval of someone. In at least posing the question we may take a tentative step toward freedom to discover what we value, who we want to become….and in the end gain our own approval of ourselves.
Copyright 2020 Don Ray
Websites tend to disappear into the digital ether. Feel free to copy and share the following.