WINNING WITH THE STACKED DECK OF LIFECopyright 2020 Don Ray.
Websites tend to disappear into the digital ether. Feel free to copy and share the following.
Don’t we all wish we were different?
Some wishes are obvious and physical. We wish we were taller or stronger or not crippled or better looking or younger or had fuller beards or narrower hips.
Those are wishes for things we can do nothing about. For that reason, obviously they are wishes we should not waste time dwelling on.
But there are other changes we might wish for. I know I desire to be less sensitive, less subject to react to other people’s opinions and comments and criticism. I would love to be more secure, more impervious to the slings and arrows of the world.
I once thought these to be a different kind of wish than wishing I was taller and better looking. These behavioral wishes were wishes within my control, wishes within my power to do something about.
I can freely choose to not be as affected by others’ opinions, to go about my business regardless of criticism, to be wholly confident without regard for setbacks.
Confidence, security, and faith are matters of choice, right? They are attributes of our mind and soul, and hence attributes we choose, like setting the temperature on the thermostat in the house.
So why doesn’t it seem to work that way?
I can go forward as if the criticism doesn’t matter. I can proceed as if I didn’t receive the rejection letter. But in my heart, somewhere in that place where we feel without choosing how to feel, the comments matter, the critiques take root, and thoughts and feelings and emotions are affected.
In this moment, with breeze rattling bright yellow leaves across the street, I want to be creative, want to produce some essay of worth to someone, and want to write with a sense of present Spirit and insight. Sounds easy, huh? I simply decide to do so. Disturbing and disappointing comments last night by a friend do not matter, because I can simply choose to put them out of my mind, right? This is not like a crippled leg, a thin beard, or astigmatism I am powerless to change. These are things of the mind, emotions of the soul, and I simply decide to not let them control me, right?…..for it is my mind after all, that is me, that is who and what I am, hence I am responsible for it.
If only it worked that way.
I have had to admit that the influences and forces and pulls and tugs of emotions and thoughts are very little in our control. We can no more instantly change them by mere choice than we can increase our biceps by wishing it so.
The biceps will increase only with proper exercise and nutrition applied over time. The heart’s emotions, the insecurities, the phobias, and the unbidden thoughts will also only change with proper exercise and spiritual nutrition applied over time. The catch is even knowing what “proper exercise” is in the case of mind and heart.
“I can deal with that crabby boss, that nagging spouse, that critical audience member, that complaining publisher, that caustic reviewer, that threatening lawyer, that castigating reader. I just won’t let them get to me. I’ll ignore their comments, accusations, barbs, and doubt-planting innuendoes.”
No I won’t.
The criticisms will hurt, the rejections will de-motivate, the accusations will foster doubts.
We each have our mental and emotional natures as surely as we have a physical nature. We just can’t see the former in the mirror or weigh them on a bathroom scale. We hardly recognize those mental and emotional natures at all, for we cannot objectively look at them. We are in the middle of them, and in fact are part of them, for they are us.
It’s kind of humbling to acknowledge that all the training in the world will not make me physically a world-class rock-climber.
It’s really humbling to recognize that all the self-talk in the world will not leave me capable of hearing deeply personal criticism without feeling it and being affected by it.
I am powerless to grow taller, but I can work on that biceps. I am powerless to develop the character of a Clint Eastwood movie character, but by gosh, I can work on my patience, understanding, confidence, security, and empathy.
We get dealt a genetic and nutritional history hand of cards from which we play our physical game as best we can.
We get dealt a bio-chemical, environmental, childhood, experiential deck of cards from which have to play our mental and emotional game as best we can.
In the case of the physical deck, we sometimes find ourselves tempted to resign ourselves to the hand we are dealt and just give up. We are fat, or weak, or low in energy, and it’s not our fault, and we can’t do anything about our genetic inheritance or body chemistry, so we just fold our hand and don’t even play the game.
Conversely, in the mental/emotional game, we sometimes don’t even look at the hand we are dealt, but brazenly bet the ranch in our relationships and career path without regard for the fact we were dealt a few less IQ points, or a joker of emotional instability, or undermined confidence, or ingrained sensitivity, or short temper, or hair-trigger panics, or bipolar disorder, or potato chip craving.
With all these programmed physical, mental, and emotional traits, is there any room left for us?!…..meaning someone that gets to make some decisions for themselves and actually exerts some modicum of control over choices and actions and reaction?!
Yea, I believe we are in there somewhere, in the mix of suicidal tendencies, codependence, self-absorption, addictions, and phobias. OK, but what exactly are “we”, this identity trying to find its way out of a maze of inescapable physical traits and emotional programming?
We, our identity, our nature, our self, our spirit, our soul, is a direction, a direction we choose. From the physical starting point of conception and the mental/emotional starting point of childhood, both starting points utterly out of our control, in what direction do we choose to go? Our choice of direction, not our starting points or even what we are now, that is who we are, the essence of our identity. Do we at least try to lose a little weight and grow a little stronger? Do we at least try to become more patient, less volatile, more secure, less dependent, and more empathetic?
Who and what we want to become is who and what we are, in a profound if not literal sense.
For every card in the hand of our nature that we got dealt by inheritance, genetics, upbringing, successes, failures, encouragement, abuse, nurturing, and rejection, we have some choice in how we play it.
Do we fold? Or do we blindly bet without realistically assessing our hand by looking in the mirror of our relationships and interactions? Or do we accept the hand we are dealt, look at it honestly for what it is, study the game, and calculate our play to make the most of what we have?
The cliché “it’s how you play the game” is synonymous with “it’s how you sculpt your soul”. In the process you find the wins and losses dictated by this world and the hands it deals are not real wins and losses, but just more cards for you to play. You will find that even in round after losing round in this world, you are still winning. You will find that even that worldly deck that keeps dealing you losing hands in this life is actually stacked in favor of your eternal soul, and that the Dealer wants you to win.
Copyright 2020 Don Ray.Websites tend to disappear into the digital ether. Feel free to copy and share the following.
Websites tend to disappear into the digital ether. Feel free to copy and share the following.
Don’t we all wish we were different?
Some wishes are obvious and physical. We wish we were taller or stronger or not crippled or better looking or younger or had fuller beards or narrower hips.
Those are wishes for things we can do nothing about. For that reason, obviously they are wishes we should not waste time dwelling on.
But there are other changes we might wish for. I know I desire to be less sensitive, less subject to react to other people’s opinions and comments and criticism. I would love to be more secure, more impervious to the slings and arrows of the world.
I once thought these to be a different kind of wish than wishing I was taller and better looking. These behavioral wishes were wishes within my control, wishes within my power to do something about.
I can freely choose to not be as affected by others’ opinions, to go about my business regardless of criticism, to be wholly confident without regard for setbacks.
Confidence, security, and faith are matters of choice, right? They are attributes of our mind and soul, and hence attributes we choose, like setting the temperature on the thermostat in the house.
So why doesn’t it seem to work that way?
I can go forward as if the criticism doesn’t matter. I can proceed as if I didn’t receive the rejection letter. But in my heart, somewhere in that place where we feel without choosing how to feel, the comments matter, the critiques take root, and thoughts and feelings and emotions are affected.
In this moment, with breeze rattling bright yellow leaves across the street, I want to be creative, want to produce some essay of worth to someone, and want to write with a sense of present Spirit and insight. Sounds easy, huh? I simply decide to do so. Disturbing and disappointing comments last night by a friend do not matter, because I can simply choose to put them out of my mind, right? This is not like a crippled leg, a thin beard, or astigmatism I am powerless to change. These are things of the mind, emotions of the soul, and I simply decide to not let them control me, right?…..for it is my mind after all, that is me, that is who and what I am, hence I am responsible for it.
If only it worked that way.
I have had to admit that the influences and forces and pulls and tugs of emotions and thoughts are very little in our control. We can no more instantly change them by mere choice than we can increase our biceps by wishing it so.
The biceps will increase only with proper exercise and nutrition applied over time. The heart’s emotions, the insecurities, the phobias, and the unbidden thoughts will also only change with proper exercise and spiritual nutrition applied over time. The catch is even knowing what “proper exercise” is in the case of mind and heart.
“I can deal with that crabby boss, that nagging spouse, that critical audience member, that complaining publisher, that caustic reviewer, that threatening lawyer, that castigating reader. I just won’t let them get to me. I’ll ignore their comments, accusations, barbs, and doubt-planting innuendoes.”
No I won’t.
The criticisms will hurt, the rejections will de-motivate, the accusations will foster doubts.
We each have our mental and emotional natures as surely as we have a physical nature. We just can’t see the former in the mirror or weigh them on a bathroom scale. We hardly recognize those mental and emotional natures at all, for we cannot objectively look at them. We are in the middle of them, and in fact are part of them, for they are us.
It’s kind of humbling to acknowledge that all the training in the world will not make me physically a world-class rock-climber.
It’s really humbling to recognize that all the self-talk in the world will not leave me capable of hearing deeply personal criticism without feeling it and being affected by it.
I am powerless to grow taller, but I can work on that biceps. I am powerless to develop the character of a Clint Eastwood movie character, but by gosh, I can work on my patience, understanding, confidence, security, and empathy.
We get dealt a genetic and nutritional history hand of cards from which we play our physical game as best we can.
We get dealt a bio-chemical, environmental, childhood, experiential deck of cards from which have to play our mental and emotional game as best we can.
In the case of the physical deck, we sometimes find ourselves tempted to resign ourselves to the hand we are dealt and just give up. We are fat, or weak, or low in energy, and it’s not our fault, and we can’t do anything about our genetic inheritance or body chemistry, so we just fold our hand and don’t even play the game.
Conversely, in the mental/emotional game, we sometimes don’t even look at the hand we are dealt, but brazenly bet the ranch in our relationships and career path without regard for the fact we were dealt a few less IQ points, or a joker of emotional instability, or undermined confidence, or ingrained sensitivity, or short temper, or hair-trigger panics, or bipolar disorder, or potato chip craving.
With all these programmed physical, mental, and emotional traits, is there any room left for us?!…..meaning someone that gets to make some decisions for themselves and actually exerts some modicum of control over choices and actions and reaction?!
Yea, I believe we are in there somewhere, in the mix of suicidal tendencies, codependence, self-absorption, addictions, and phobias. OK, but what exactly are “we”, this identity trying to find its way out of a maze of inescapable physical traits and emotional programming?
We, our identity, our nature, our self, our spirit, our soul, is a direction, a direction we choose. From the physical starting point of conception and the mental/emotional starting point of childhood, both starting points utterly out of our control, in what direction do we choose to go? Our choice of direction, not our starting points or even what we are now, that is who we are, the essence of our identity. Do we at least try to lose a little weight and grow a little stronger? Do we at least try to become more patient, less volatile, more secure, less dependent, and more empathetic?
Who and what we want to become is who and what we are, in a profound if not literal sense.
For every card in the hand of our nature that we got dealt by inheritance, genetics, upbringing, successes, failures, encouragement, abuse, nurturing, and rejection, we have some choice in how we play it.
Do we fold? Or do we blindly bet without realistically assessing our hand by looking in the mirror of our relationships and interactions? Or do we accept the hand we are dealt, look at it honestly for what it is, study the game, and calculate our play to make the most of what we have?
The cliché “it’s how you play the game” is synonymous with “it’s how you sculpt your soul”. In the process you find the wins and losses dictated by this world and the hands it deals are not real wins and losses, but just more cards for you to play. You will find that even in round after losing round in this world, you are still winning. You will find that even that worldly deck that keeps dealing you losing hands in this life is actually stacked in favor of your eternal soul, and that the Dealer wants you to win.
Copyright 2020 Don Ray.Websites tend to disappear into the digital ether. Feel free to copy and share the following.